Opening the Wardrobe Door

If you would have told me thirty years ago that I would be a father of five I would have laughed at you. It is unknown to most but I was not only afraid of being a father, I was terrified. I mean like spit-less, fear gripping my heart petrified. Being the youngest of three siblings gave me little interaction with ones younger than me. I was the baby. And I sorta liked it that way. (Don’t tell my sisters that). Now, add to that having two grand kids. The idea of it decades ago – no way. Why so much fear? Lack of control. Honestly, I knew in my heart of hearts that God would utilize my children to shape me, make me uncomfortable and put me in places where I have to choose – trust Him or not. Oh and has He…

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There are things I have prayed for as a Daddy / Pappa. Some things I’ve longed for out of my own experience and sometimes my own pain. Some prayers are still often repeated 29 years later still awaiting a response. Others are a little more fresh but no less important. There are many things I want to do. But being a shepherd is at the top of the list. So I’m a shepherd by heart though not by training. I want to care for, feed, mend wounds, protect, and do life with my flock. That is something that God has grown in me.I find no greater joy than doing life with them and with others God puts under my care.

I’m also fond of telling stories. That gets me into trouble sometimes as I like to tease a wee bit too much. But I am learning (or at least trying to learn) appropriateness.

The following is a story of one of those affirmative answers to prayer.

You may not know this but I’m a Narnian. Well sorta. The works of C.S. Lewis have made a tremendous impact on my life. The Chronicles of Narnia is of course high on that list.

On a Saturday morning a few weeks ago, the soundtrack from “The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe” composed by Harry Gregson-Williams was playing in the den. This is the soundtrack from the 2005 theatrical release. My three year old grand-daughter Ellie was in the room. She saw the cover art of the album and asked, “Who is that?” She was pointing to the Lion. The most casual of fans knows who this is, but she’s young.

“That’s Aslan, ” I said. She looked in the face of the Lion intently for about 15 seconds.

“Is he nice?”

That was all it took. Her question absolutely wrecked me. A flood of emotion washed over me like a dam breaking filled with a reservoir full of prayers lifted to heaven over two decades – a prayer that God would allow me to introduce my grand kids to the magical world of Narnia and by analogy Jesus.

Add to that the fact I translated her “Is he nice?” question into the question Susan asked Mr. Beaver. Here’s the exchange:

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“What’s wrong, Papa?”. Ellie gathered from the tears rolling down my cheeks something was up.

“Nothing’s wrong, Ellie. Nothing at all”, I said squinting away the tears from my eyes. A moment of anxiousness then swept over me. I was going to have to tell her something very difficult. Something that could be…upsetting. But I had to tell her the truth.

“Ellie, he isn’t nice, but he is good. He is oh so good. He’s not tame or predictable, but he is good and he will make all things right.”

She walked across the room with purpose toward me. She stood with her face super close to mine. Then she took her little hands and wiped the tears off my cheeks, took my face in her hands and said, “Tell me about Aslan”.

What composure I had remaining disappeared at that moment. I lifted her up into my lap and just held her for a few moments.

“Would you like for me to read you a story about him?”

She nodded. I reached down into a little drawer in the end table next to where I customarily sit. It contained my copy of “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe”. My heart was overflowing. In that moment I heard in the head the voice of Liam Neeson – “Prayer. Answered.” A smile crossed my face as we turned to page one.

“Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy”…