This afternoon…

“How did I miss that Roy Daniel had cancer.  He passed away earlier today”, Beth said.

“What???” – Stunned doesn’t even begin to touch the wind of emotions that began sweeping over my heart.  “Jesus…” was all I could muster – my heart fumbling for a prayer for his wife, his family, and even me.

Roy is special to me.  As a kid in elementary school, you hold in high regard those that give you the time of day.  My oldest sister Christy was the one who brought Roy into the life of the family.  Down to earth, funny, approachable.  As only little brothers can put things, I hated that things didn’t work out with my sister. He would have made a great brother-in-law.  (Though I am blessed for the two I have now beyond words.) But relationships often don’t survive the pressure of adolescence.  Regardless, Roy always held a special place in my heart.  In the times we spent together, he impacted my life. Big heart, whimsical Roy.  I missed not having him around.

Fast forward 30+ years…

Another afternoon…

A friend request from Roy Daniel on Facebook.  I hadn’t talked to him in forever, but we got reconnected.  We talked about lots of things.  But you know what occurred to me today? They were almost always centered around me.  Just like when I was a kid.  Just like him – taking the initiative.  Engaging with me. Asking about me.  We caught up on life, talked about sports, my Mama and Daddy, my sisters.  We talked about how we got to where we were and family.

A little less than a month after my Mom passed away in February 2014, I got a private message from him.  Here’s an excerpt…

“Hi big guy!  Hope you are well. I really appreciate your depth of understanding (life) issues and your erudite articulation. When my Mom passed ~ 1.5 yr. ago, I finally connected with my brother who i had not had any type of relationship with mostly my whole life. What seemed to really boost his mood was my reminding him of funny things that Mom used to do when we were young.
Just wanted to share an amusing story re. when you were just a ‘wee little guy’. The whole gang zipped off to the coast one weekend. We sat at the table after dinner to play cards so I turned a hat I was wearing around and started to shuffle a deck of cards. I asked if everyone wanted to play five-card-stud. Your Mom acquiesced but had one request that we call the game “pinochle” and not poker. She thought that was too rough a game (name) for the little guy.Life was so much simpler then, n’est pas?
You were such a cute little guy and very well-behaved. Never do I recall your ever being a whiny kid or one who had to have ‘extra’ attention. I don’t recall your being ‘oppressed’ either (you’ve seen those kids, they’re just one step from screaming bloody murder at the tops of their lungs in the middle of quiet time in church). Just another note. When I first came to your house to take your sister out, your Dad came to the living room where I was (waiting ‘like forever for your sister to get ready’) and we had a ‘Man-to-Man’ discussion. That was the only father-to-daughter’s date discussion that I ever remember having in my entire ‘dating career’. “

We talked several times since then. The last time was December 5, 2014.

My response to Beth – “I didn’t even know he was sick”.  Then it hit me and the tears began to flow.  It almost like I could hear him say it, “We’re all sick, Big guy.  Just some of us don’t know it yet.”

We’re all sick.  All of us…terminal.  This life has a near perfect kill ratio for the inhabitants of this planet. Then I started thinking about my Mama.  Actually, I’d been thinking about her most of today. It’s less than a month away from the anniversary of her death.  It occurred to me –

“He’s gonna hug my Mama’s neck before I do.”

Roy, thank you for your kindness extended to a little kid.  Thank you for your heart and compassion.  Thank you for being other-people centered.  And hug my Mama’s neck for me.  Love you, Brother. One day on another afternoon… We will pick this up again.